(Written February 2, 2011)
Today I almost gave up on my work here.
For the past two months (the kid’s “summer” break) I’ve been working with a group of five fifth and sixth graders to develop a school “trash police”–a group of schoolyard litter vigilantes. I’ve been occasionally frustrated by the student’s lack of creativity and ability to think critically, but I’ve mostly felt quite pleased. They’ve learned the very basics about trash management–which practices are bad and why, and which are better and why–and seem to at least understand the attitudes I’m trying to shape in their minds. The other day, three of the five came to a meeting (typical) at which we played a game to help them understand the different paths that trash takes based on our actions and why recycling is so important. Though the kids practically had to be lead by the hand through each step whereas in the US I’ve seen kids a couple years younger do the exercise breezily, I was pleased with the end result. It was to be our last activity together.
Today, however, I got word that one of the girls, Yessy, had decided not to continue. I immediately went to talk to her. At first she said that she was always forgetting what we learned–an obvious excuse. I told her there were to be no tests and that she had been doing just fine. She continued. She said that if Belkis, another girl in the group, wasn’t going to continue neither would she. That Belkis had decided to quit was news to me. Apparently Belkis decided to quit out of fear that the other kids would tease her–another girl in the group, Sandy, had recently expressed the same concern. I explained to Yessy and Belkis–my voice beginning to elevate with frustration–that I felt very disappointed by all of this, especially after all the training sessions, and that I would not be able to start over with any other students.
I left them, fuming, fearing that this entire project–the one I have felt the most excited about–was about to collapse due to a case of the drama queens. Then the fuming turned into sadness–”what will I have done for this community if this project doesn’t succeed?” and “if this falls through, should just give up and leave?” I also began to feel saddened by the fact that only the girls have expressed reservations about teasing. They evidently lack much self-esteem.
And then, after really only about an hour of sulking and listening to Selenia tell me that Hondurans will never change and will always disappoint, Belkis’s mother approached me. This woman, who lives only about 30 yards from my house, has always seemed to me rather meek. She lives with her own parents and shuffles from their house to her brothers’ houses, washing clothes, holding babies, and saying little–I’ve hardly heard a peep from her the last year. Tonight, however, she genuinely surprised me, and, moreover, her words relieved me. I thought she might give me an excuse for her daughter’s decision to quit. Instead, she said, quietly and with little eye contact, “Belkis will not quit, she will continue with the group.” I looked at her, trying not to show my surprise. “I told her she cannot wrong Alejandra like that.” She repeated the words.
Such firmness, such tenacity out of this woman I had previously thought of as a cliche woman in a machista culture–timid, quiet, and possessing little sense of authority or autonomy. Her words made the knot in my chest lighten.
Her words relieved me not only because with Belkis still in the group, we might still have a group, but because I saw something in her that I had started to believe didn’t exist here. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what that thing is–strength in a woman with little power? A respect for order? Or maybe just a sense that someone really gave a damn.
So that’s the story of today.
xoxo
Lexi
P.s. I am trying to put together a small collection of Spanish language books for the kids to share at school. They currently have NO books other than their textbooks. The kids have no concept of reading for pleasure. If you would like to help, please purchase a book from our Amazon wishlist: http://amzn.com/w/VZPTFNW6WQDN
I have arranged it so that the books will be shipped to a friend in New York who will be visiting me in March. She will bring the books down with her.
Thank you!!
